True Feelings Revealed

Someone once asked me once too often whether I missed my family as a preacher. Of course I do. I guess the most difficult part is the guilt that we feel for not being a father of actually being there much of the time when they need us the most. Whether I am a good father is not the point. The point of not being much there is a bit more difficult to deal with than anything else.

It has been getting a little harder lately. Antoinette has been crying more and getting more upset each time I leave home. Its harder because she shows how she feels. Aveline, though I know deep down I know she misses me too, she does not show it as much.

I guess we are all human after all.

Honestly speaking, at the time when I was considering embarking on the preachership, I only thought about my wife and I could live with that. Then there was one kid, I could still live with that. But with two kids? It has been a little bit more difficult to deal with that I had anticipated.

I have been struggling with the possibility of taking time out from the ministry and concentrating on my children. I have been playing with the idea that if I earn my own cash and support my own family that I will be less of a burden to church resources and be more effective than the way I am now.

I suppose if i do take a break, it will have an impact on the vision for UK as a whole. It will undoubtedly slow the pace right down. Now with Pr FF out of action for at least the next three months or so, I guess you can't really take time out. Coupled with the fact I have been increasingly feeling that Christ is coming sooner than before. The things that have to be made ready before Christ comes is so much and yet we have done so little enough to be really ready.

I guess as I type this blog, I am feeling that I should have more faith and hand what I can't do as a father into the hand of my heavenly Father and entrust that He will bring my whole family safely home to heaven.

I have made up my mind. I have to carry on to fight and leave the path for others to follow from behind. There are souls to save and people to train up. There is churches to build up and congregations to convert. There is not a moment to lose and each one to cherish and make the most of.

May God bless our church. As useless as we are His servants, may His Spirit guide us.